should
By Amy Myers
should. an ambiguous being
that holds an impossible burden.
it dances in the past and future.
attached to the verb of the doer.
they should’ve been graduating;
they should’ve been traveling;
they should’ve been alive…
it should be over by then.
should gasps for air as those
around him confuse his being
for selfish hope and pseudo
nostalgia for a time that never existed.
wishing to surrender my reality,
i extend my hand to should, and
he settles into my brain
almost as if he should’ve
been there already.
should holds my mind with
an aggressive, hostile grip.
sadness overwhelms me, and
i am now lost in his myth.
soon do i realize that
my voice cannot reach him.
i find myself in the vague depths
of my feigned memories,
lost in the shoulds.
i’m overwhelmed. i’m so overwhelmed.
past should pulls me into a dark pool
of molasses. ceasing my ability to
breath, to think, to feel. i focus
on the sadness. i should’ve been there.
why am i here? i reach up to a bright,
spark. it is future should.
my eyes burn from the intensity of the light.
i follow the glow to a single mirror;
i climb inside to find bodies, waiting…
in line for something. i join the queue
to satisfy my curiosity. but soon find
that they are merely waiting for death.
with pounding fear, i run to the mirror.
where did it go? i should know where it is…
i was just there. i run aimlessly around the
mindless bodies, watching as they age
with rapid pace…. a glare. i sprint to the glowing
mirror and acquiesce to my waiting reality.
i climb out of my head and
with hesitant relief, return to my present.
should. an intriguing and comforting thought.
but never get so lost in your shoulds
that you lose your reality for good.
“should” won second place in our Fall 2020 Poetry Contest.
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